Gifts We Made Up (but Really Wish Existed)
This is just a bit of fun 🤭. None of the gifts on this page are real (sadly!). We totally made them up, but in an ideal world, they’d be sitting in our shopping baskets already. Think of this as a wishlist from an alternate universe, where unicorn-powered alarm clocks and self-cleaning sock drawers are perfectly normal.
ThinkLink – Mind-Activated Access to ChatGPT (Because Typing Is So 2024)
A discreet neural chip that gives you full access to ChatGPT using only your thoughts. Now you can argue with an AI from the comfort of your own mind.
TailFlix Motion Capture Tail Reader – Decode Your Dog’s Waggy Emotions
A tail-reading wearable that analyses your dog’s tail movements and translates them into emotional readouts. Slightly too accurate.
Toilet Sniffari Interactive Bathroom Mat – For Dogs Who Follow You Anyway
A scent-based activity mat that makes your dog’s bathroom loitering more interactive and slightly less awkward.
The Lick-o-Lux Personal Spa Kit for Cats Who Deserve Better
A spa experience for pets, featuring tuna-scented mist, purring soundscapes, and a flattery mirror. Yes, really.
Whisker Whisperer Cat Translator – Finally Understand Your Cat’s Judgy Meows
A collar that "translates" your cat’s meows into English. Comes with suspiciously sarcastic voice options.
The Foldinator 5000: Sassy Robotic Laundry Folder with Feelings
A sarcastic laundry-folding robot that folds your clothes while judging your life choices. Also destroys fitted sheets out of principle
Tears of My Enemies Bath Salts – Soak in Vengeance
Luxury bath salts infused with eucalyptus, glitter, and a satisfying hint of vengeance. Soak your stress away in the tears of those who wronged you.
The Clutch That Screams When You're Too Polite To
A stylish evening bag with a built-in scream function for when you've had enough, but society says “be nice.”
Mood-Nails 3000: Emotion-Tracking Nail Polish with Built-In Attitude
Emotion-sensing nail polish that changes colour based on your feelings. Like a mood ring, but sassier and with glitter
Scream-In-A-Can – Instant Catharsis, On Demand
Press. Scream. Repeat. The stress-relief solution for modern life, minus the restraining orders
Personal Space Bubble – Wearable Isolation for Modern Life
Need space? Get a bubble. A wearable one. Designed for awkward times, clingy colleagues, and anyone who’s “not really a hugger.
Ultra-Portable Airport Lounge Tent with Snack Holder & Regret Flap
Make your own lounge out of thin air. Literally. Quick to pitch, impossible to explain. The Airport Lounge Tent is peak unnecessary genius.
Squirrel Whisperer™ – Nut Translator 3000 for Human-to-Rodent Communication
Talk to squirrels. Understand their culture. Negotiate nut treaties. It’s time to befriend the fluff
LooTunes™ – Musical Toilet Roll That Plays a Tune Every Time You Pull
Musical toilet roll that plays a short tune with every pull. Wipe with rhythm and class
ToeFloss™ Mint-Fresh Foot Floss for In-Between-Toe Hygiene
Minty-fresh, bamboo-based floss specially designed to clean between your toes. Because why should teeth have all the fun?
Cordless Extension Cable – Wireless Power, Eventually
Looks like an extension lead. Works like... it doesn’t. Experience the freedom of no power.
Diet Water – Guilt-Free Hydration with Zero Everything
Zero calories. Zero flavour. Zero logic. It’s Diet Water – hydration with a marketing degree.
Emergency Dehydrated Water – Just Add Water!
Hilariously pointless but technically accurate: just add water to rehydrate your Dehydrated Water!
Bluetooth Rock – Natural Connectivity Without the Tech
Looks smart. Isn’t. Your new favourite conversation starter / paperweight / tech prank
Inflatable Dartboard™
Finally, a dartboard the whole family can play with – as long as nobody uses real darts.
Pube Gel
Ease your fuzz, freshen your fluff, and give your nether regions the spa day they never knew they needed