MolarRoller™ AI-Powered Self-Brushing Mouth Spa
Gift type: Fake
Estimated Price: £42.95
MolarRoller™ is the world's first AI-powered, hands-free, fully immersive tooth-cleaning experience. Just bite down, press 'Go', and let the soft silicone rollers do the rest. With BiteSync™ technology, it maps your dental topography in real-time, adjusting speed and pressure to deliver a dentist-level clean - minus the awkward small talk.
Ideal for lazy humans, tired parents, gamers mid-match, or anyone who'd rather outsource their dental routine to a benevolent robot overlord. Welcome to the future of oral care - it’s foamy, fast, and freakishly effective.
- Brand: MolarRoller Labs (Division of Probably Not Legal)
- Dimensions: 14cm x 7cm x 6cm (mouthpiece unit)
- Materials: Medical-grade silicone, ABS plastic, sarcasm
- Colour(s): Glacier Mint, Noir Enamel, Limited Edition “Tooth Fairy Pink”
- Other Specifications:
- Rechargeable via USB-C
- Dual-Speed AutoBrush™ Mode
- Built-in LED smile illumination
- Compatible with most mouths aged 12+
- 100% AI-generated brushing playlists (optional)
Our Review
If you've ever stared at your toothbrush and felt existential despair, MolarRoller™ might be your salvation. It’s weird. It’s brilliant. It feels like biting into the future, and having the future whir softly for two minutes while humming gentle encouragement.
We tried it during a late-night coding session and were surprised by how clean our teeth felt - and how emotionally supported we felt by its warm LED glow. Sure, it makes a sound that’s somewhere between a purring cat and a tiny car wash, but that just adds to the charm.
Honestly, we’re not going back. This is one small bite for man, one giant clean for molar-kind.
What Other Customers Are Saying
💬 “I used to hate brushing. Now I schedule meetings around my MolarRoller sessions. It’s like a spa for your mouth. My dentist cried tears of joy.” — Claire B.
💬 “My partner left me for a man with better oral hygiene. Then I got MolarRoller™. Now they’re back. Coincidence? I think not.” — Dan W.
💬 “Honestly thought this was a joke gift. Then I tried it and now I carry it in my handbag. It’s the best relationship I’ve had in years.” — Fatima R.
💬 “My kids brush their teeth without being asked. This is witchcraft. I don’t care. Five stars.” — James L.
Final Verdict
MolarRoller™ isn’t just a product — it’s a lifestyle upgrade for anyone who’s ever muttered “ugh, I’ll brush in the morning” and regretted it. It takes the chore out of oral care and replaces it with a soft, mint-scented, AI-guided caress of hygiene.
Is it excessive? Yes. Is it necessary? Also yes.
Perfect for anyone tired of holding a toothbrush like it’s 1995. We’re not saying it’ll change your life — but your mouth might just write it a thank-you note.